Using Adversity As A Weapon

From Episode 193 of Solving Healthcare

Hey Kwadcast Nation!

I thought I would jump on and do a quick mini cast. Hope everyone's doing okay. I wanted to reach out today because I've been feeling a bit inspired to talk about adversity. I had to really foster that resilience muscle you know. We talk a lot about wellness, and we try and talk about practical tips, but there are some real-life struggles people go through. I've seen a lot of colleagues who have recently lost a parent. It's that time of life, being middle-aged and having older parents. It's a tough time for a lot of people. As I'm recording this, I realize it's been roughly four years since I lost my father, and this was a really challenging time of my life. Back then in August/September 2018, we had just had a new baby -little Z. He is now four which is insane. We had another little dog, George Michael passed away around that time. We also thought we were moving back to Alberta. Everything was lining up for a job in Alberta. It was going to be sort of like a homecoming. A lot of families were excited about it and then the job fell at the last minute, which was devastating. And then on top of that, my dad passes away. And that was a tough time that I look back on for our family. We were just, we were morning, we were just going through the motions day to day, but for Cathy and I, it was a really tough time in our lives. And I must say even when I look back at that time, especially when I look at my dad's death, I didn't really process that for weeks, even months, just because of all the hard things that were going on around us. And the reason I want to bring this up is that we got through it. And one of the tickets to that for me during these tough times, is how do we make the most out of these really challenging times.

When I think back on not moving to Alberta. We thought well, you know, we were losing out on that life that we wanted to create for our family and our kids connecting with the family, like their extended family. And at the same time, you know, we told ourselves if we're in Ottawa, we're not going through this process again, let's make the most out of it. Let's move into a community that's going to embrace us and make us feel like a community which was amazing. We moved out to McKellar Park area. Shout out to Courtenay - what a beast, what an amazing community of street parties. When we moved in people brought all sorts of gifts and treats, but it was just a warm feeling to have a community that has just been a great move for our family. We've got a great school there, shout out to Broadview – great teachers. Great having the boys be able to walk to school, all their friends are around in that hood and so we really created that community environment that we were seeking when potentially moving out West, and I wouldn’t take it back for anything. Seeing our boys on a day-to-day basis playing with their friends out on the streets. You know, it's just a warm feeling.

Career-wise, what happened, being shut out of things last minute, man was that a driver for me. I was like I'm going show these people what they lost out on. Man, I'm gonna hustle from a research perspective now and produce papers that are going to put us on the map. You know, part of showcasing some of our stuff was, setting up this show and really being able to say, hey, people, look at the stuff that we're trying to create. Then ultimately, becoming Department Head of a Critical Care Department. That was a huge driver, saying, you know, screw you, you shut this down. Look what you're missing out on. I've maybe said this a few times on the show, I don't know how healthy it is to use it as motivation, but man, I'm still waiting for that pretty woman moment where I get to say, like, look what you missed out on! Sons of …no I'm kidding, I love those colleagues. I love everybody.

And lastly, when I think about my dad who was tougher, we weren't very close, but you always ask yourself, you know, what could this relationship have been like if we were closer? It was a tough time. But some of the lessons or our ability to reframe and develop that resilience is, like losing my dad. It definitely made me a better doctor. I look at everyone differently when they're experiencing loss. I’m just a lot more present. I know what they're going through. I know what they are feeling, and it just makes me a lot more compassionate and a lot more present when I'm dealing with these life issues. So really, this was a gift.

Another gift my dad left me was he was a courageous man. He was always about justice. He was all about sticking up for those that can't stick up for themselves. He wasn't afraid to voice his opinion against anybody. And I just often ask myself, what would Dad do here? Really exercise that muscle of you know what, life is short, stop giving a fuck about stupid shit. Stop giving a fuck. So many of the things that we worry about, don’t matter, and I just use that as a tool to get out of my comfort zone, you know, to advocate to try and do the right thing. Like I look at the podcasts. Some people might say, you know, you're doing a show, you probably love doing this, and it's easy for you. I mean, you get used to it after a while, but it's not easy going on the mic and doing these things and having that courage to get out of the comfort zone. I mean that was certainly pushed by losing Dad. The advocacy had so much to do with losing my father. The idea that going on national media and talking about trying to have that COVID balance, so that we can think about those that can't speak up for themselves. When I think about sticking up for the kids. When their school was closed and saw the damage that was created, and then again, the blowback. I was like, you know what, Dad wouldn't give a fuck, he would step up. I'm gonna step up. Because this is what matters. Our values are in truth and in justice. Step up for those that can't step up, can't speak for themselves and do the right thing. That was Dad. Creating bridges or helping create bridges over barriers for those that were struggling through the pandemic. That was Dad. Being a leader during a time of crisis, that was Dad. When your stick your neck out there and take the shit, not giving a crap about what people are saying about you. Being courageous, came from losing my father. So why am I telling you all this? I'm telling you guys this because some good could come from adversity. Some good can come from that shitty feeling that you have right now or have experienced in your life. Using that reframe to create resilience within you is possible whether you're going through a tough time, whether you're a healthcare provider, burnt out or down on the profession, you can still contribute. You can find a way outside. Whether it's outside of healthcare, whether it's outside of the hospital walls, you can find that reframe. You're lonely, you've experienced loss, you could find that button that makes you connect with family and friends that you haven't done in a while. Pick up that phone. Send that text message. Better yet, pick up that phone. Hear that voice. Anyway, I hope that's helpful for some.

This one's dedicated to the old man for sure.